Well, someone said she would be reading my update from the blog, so here we go!
My first presence at the international conference was over. I was given a slot for oral presentation at the last session of the last day of a 3-day Asia Academy of Management Conference in Tokyo. I'm not going to talk about what I did for my research and what I present about. I just feel I'm stormed with different feelings now.
I have to admit that I do feel quite different from before I came to the conference and after. People who have experiences in Ph.D. life probably can relate to what I'm saying. I used to think that I would just take what-so-ever happens during the life in doctoral course. If I graduate, I graduate. If not, then I don't. Not a big deal. But for some reasons, something striked me and I came to feel that if I'm not putting in hard enough, I won't get anything out of it. And since I'm already in it, why don't I just try my best and see? So yes, now I'm on a move, though I still feel my path is completely unclear. One professor I met said 'being lost in the sea' is a process of being a Ph.D. student. It's normal to not knowing what to do, but as long as you keep finding the way out of it, you eventually will.
It was a really good feeling to be at the conference, my very first conference. I'm feeling I am entering a completely new world that I have never had any true exposure with before (though I had been in a research field since my Masters). But I take it as a good thing cuz it means that I will have something to look forward to and that I know there are people who are willing to share ideas with and help guiding me through my rocky road.
At this stage, I feel I know completely NOTHING. I hope that in the near future I would find SOMETHING. It's a matter of time and effort, I guess. My gratitude is extended to all the professors and friends I have met and acquainted with during the conference. Let's wait and see how I will do in the next few years.
2 comments:
May I share with you, noo Mai'.
"I would just take what-so-ever happens during the life in doctoral course. If I graduate, I graduate. If not, then I don't. Not a big deal." said you.
I also used to think like that during my first year of doctoral studies. One day, I went to c my prof. and explained my forthcoming research... and He replied to me indifferently that "your knowledge is only at primary school level"..
That day was a turning point of my studies. His insult hinted me that I have not worked hard enough, and I admitted it.
That you believe you know completely nothing shall be a starting point for your good research and PhD degree. I encourage you krab. ;)
Hey dear,
I am just starting Phd and already I am assailed with so many questions about what to do and what direction should I take. I am still at a lost and with a worry that I might never find a way out. I understand how you feel cause I feel that way too. And it is even more terrifying to think about what will happen after all this. Will I get a job? Where? How? Most importantly, do I have what it takes to be out there?
All I can say is let us gambatte together! We will be "lost" together but we can find our way out together!
Ai Ling
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