A lot of us who live in Japan probably feel it more or less that it's quite difficult to make close friends with the Japanese. They tend not to reveal who they really are in which makes it hard for you to guess what they have in mind. I personally have a lot of Japanese friends, but I have to admit that Japanese friends I made along the way are quite different from Japanese friends I met here in Kyoto.
So there went my question directed at my Japanese friend and the explanation I received was that...'Japanese (I'm not sure if I can generalize, but let's based that on what my friend said.) are educated at their young age that they shouldn't be showing any expression or saying anything according to their true feeling if it has a tendency to contradict what people in the group do. They close the chance of being discovered that they are different from the surrounding environment. It goes as detailed as what to order for drinks! If the whole group goes for coffee, you tend to go for coffee too (eventhought you hate it real bad!) They take time to look at who they tend to be able to share their feelings with. But it is easier for them to share it with someone who is not from the same group, believing that the chance of coming across being discrimated in that group is lessen...'
No wonder Japanese are so hard to read, I thought. The above example is probably an extreme one though, but it does exist. Though they are open to be friends with anyone, it takes time for them to buy into who they think they can share their true feelings with. To the extreme - whether they will? I wonder if they have to be this concerned in living their lives, won't they easily go insane? Or is that the reason why you see a lot of Japanese committing suicide?
I really wonder whether they ever wanted to be accepted as who they really are for at least once in their lives...
4 comments:
I have to say that I don't have that many Japanese friends yet! Most of my close Jap friends are my labmates and I see them almost everyday. But they are a fun lot and we can talk and go on holidays together! As for opening up, I have to say that I am guilty of being secretive (that is who I am) thus, no one really knows wht I am thinking most of the time. So, I can't really be the judge of that. But to conform all the time....well, that is a bit boring, don't you think? Being gaijin, we already stand out from the crowd! ahahah
Ai Ling
I also have those friends who are open and fun to hang out with. But there are still heeps of people that don't share anything much about themselves, even about what they usually do in their daily lives, though we meet often in school. (btw, I don't have what your-so-called labmates... poor economics people!)
I respect people's privacy and I want people to respect mine too. I think most of the time, in that sense, we're in the same shoes (i.e. nobody really knows what we are thinking.) But I also believe we can learn about others through what they do and how they react toward things. However, for these group of people I questioned, they don't even share what they do. They never raised topic of interests. And that's what making it hard (for me) to get to know who they are. It's all about ... guessing maybe.. maybe.. maybe.. without even getting close to finding answers!
AL, I might not know what you are thinking, but hey.. at least I know you like taking pictures! ;-)
Hahaha! Yes and I bet everyone also know tht too! ahahaha...a latent interest. Funny, I used to have a camera before, but not a digital and it is one of those automatic film cameras. Only my dad had the cool manual camera which I was not very interested in at tht time! I guess since it was quite expensive to fiddle around with a film camera, I didn't bother to develop any interest in photography! Though it was and still is cool to be considered as a photographer and walk around with those fancy looking high tech cameras! And when I did, everyone was just as surprise as I was when I started taking pics tht I have not dared to take before. But this is not to say that I am good in photography (I will be too vain if I say tht!!) since there is so much to learn but tht i realised with the digital, there is so much room for us to explore! So explore away Mai, with your new Canon, when and if you do buy it! I have said before and I will still say this, that you guys have not seen all the hundreds of pictures tht didn't quite make it! Experiment is the key! Ahahah...I am talking like I am an expert!
Ai Ling
My old camera kinda completely broke down now. What a force to get a new camera at this time!! Should I really go for that Canon thingy?
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